She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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