I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is classic penis vs brain.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
