and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm too high and old for this...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
