she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
