How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
