I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
