Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
