I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
