So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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