The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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