I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
