the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
