I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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