I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
