Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
