I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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