on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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