hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
