I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Someone came in the potted fern
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
