There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
