He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.