i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
