i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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