nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
