Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
