i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
