It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
