Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
