I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
