then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
