Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
