Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
