I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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