your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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