Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
