spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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