I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
