i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im part way to drunk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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