if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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