They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
