Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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