dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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