I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
