y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
