i may or may not be watching the land before time
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
