So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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