There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
