um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
