I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
