if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
