you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
