and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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