I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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