4 words: hood of his car
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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