i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
