there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
