I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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