Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
