i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
