Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
