You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
